When was the last time you said ‘No’ when some one asked you to do something that you don’t like? Do you remember the last time when you had so much time for yourself that you got bored hearing yourself think? Do you order the food that you like or the food that the people who are with you on the dinner table like?
People pleasers are easy to identify, they just tick most of the above boxes. If you are a people Pleaser, it is nothing to be ashamed of. I know that you get immense pleasure by making someone happy. I know that you care about relationships even if it toxic to you. I also know that you are okay to get hurt, rather than hurting someone.
I know that people call you weak, but we both know that you have an eccentric personality that is strong enough to stand the forces of being judged and is capable of dealing with all the pain that you exempt your loved ones from. How can you stay so strong Dear Pleaser? How much more can you please? Your mind is awake now, it may be the right time to introduce thought before actions. How you be okay with people who take advantage of you? How can you bury your desires to make way for the dreams of your loved ones?
You may be boxing all your thoughts and racking it up on the shelves of decency. All these precious thoughts eventually rust in the crevices of your mind. How far are you ready to do go?
Like anything else we can work out a revival plan. To revive your personality built around the happiness of others. Happiness of others is not a bad thing, it’s noble. But it’s a shame if you are hurt in the process. Often we may stop contributing thinking that our idea may not please the lot. Ideas aren’t actions, so don’t be afraid. Learn the skill of persuasion. Learn negotiation. Dear Pleaser it is time to make your vision shine.
It may sound strange but sometimes your objections may be important too. However, there is a thin line between suggestion and advice; it’s a suggestion usually when there is no personal interest in the topic but advices flow when there is a chance to earn credit. If you always say Aye to every person you move with you are as good as a robot. Dear Pleaser, it is good to object.
If you are the People Pleaser Ultimate, which is the highest level of pleasers out there, I understand you too. I know that you agree with your boss, everything that your girlfriend or wife says. I know that you have some unethical methods to achieve the People Pleaser Ultimate, but that is okay too. It is the right time now, to start some new methods to arrive at that pleasure you get by pleasing.
- Negotiate – Perhaps the one skills that can help your life than anything other skill. Negotiation is difficult to learn but it is worth investing time to understand how negotiations can help you win in situations that you probably had written off as lost. Negotiations are about settling for a middle-ground.
Negotiation requires good knowledge or the ability to bluff. If you know how to bluff and if you are knowledgeable too, no one in this world can stop you.
- Persuade – This is a little different from Negotiation and we are safe to say that persuasion is more difficult. But, if you are able to voice your opinion and convince the other person that your choice is more viable than their original choice, you have attained certain level of persuasion skills. Persuasion is important to arrive at a common ground but may soon turn out to be stupid if you are just trying to prove your point.
Dear Pleaser, I understand if you may think Negotiation is not your characteristic but it is important to be a voice in life and not and echo. Your voice is amazing, your thoughts are useful; use it for things other than saying Yes. Thoughts are powerful enough to change the world. All the revolutionary things in the world were once just a thought. Don’t be afraid to show your garden of thoughts for it is unique, special.
Paulo Coelho said – “When you say Yes to others, make sure you are not saying No to yourself.” Let us arrive at win-win situations from the oh no I think I am a slave situations. In the end, you may still be a pleaser but by adopting these techniques, you also can be a winner.