Social desirability has been a concern forever. Throughout history, there have been those who feel like nobody wants them or needs them. In this post, we explore what one can do to make sure they are socially desirable. 

Let’s begin.


Humor is number one on almost everyone’s social desirability list. If you find yourself lacking in the ability to laugh or make others laugh, then the only way to develop your sense of humor is regular exposure. This regular exposure can come from regular reading of comedy books, regular viewing of comedy shows or any other medium of regularly engaging your funny side. A giant skill to have in the humor area is being able to laugh at your own problems. 


People love someone who has the resources to solve problems. These resources can be being able to fix broken things, specialized subject skills, useful talents, finances etc. If you’re lacking in resources, you better get cracking. It’s a sure shot way of upping your social desirability quotient. 


Everybody has stories to tell, but not everybody can tell the story well. The key skill here is being evocative in your story telling. Evocative means you are able to stoke emotions using your story. The higher the range of emotions you can evoke, the better. Some people tell amazing stories that take people on an emotional ride ranging from laughter to warmth to joy to pain. The way to get good at evocative story telling is to practice. One important thing to remember is to take full advantage of facial and body language expressions. An animated story teller is automatically more engaging than a motionless story teller.


People love to teach and learn. If you regularly impart insight to your friends and also regularly imbibe their own insight, your social desirability will be much higher. For example, ask questions such as: What is your fondest memory? These sort of questions set up moments of learning where you teach the other person things and also learn from them yourself. In the end, both of you walk away feeling like you know things that are worthwhile.


People need appreciation. Everybody does, and people LOVE IT. Tell someone their cooking is great, or that you had a good time with them etc. Appreciate them in some way and watch them be drawn to you like a moth to a flame. 


Nothing turns off a person like someone who is impossible to reason with. Always take some time to consider what the other person is saying. Take all the time you need. If you need longer than a few moments, just say: Okay, I hear what you’re saying, but I’ll need some time to think over it. Practice being reasonable. You cannot always be right and you cannot know everything. Nobody can. Consider that other people may have things to offer that you don’t have or did not think of. One simple way to get started on being reasonable is to always think of at least 3 different options when trying to solve any problem. Laying out options trains you to consider more than one solution and, thus, more than one point of view. 


This really boils down to conflicts. When you have conflicts with people, consider a win-win approach rather than a win-lose approach. Also, try not to be aggressive or passive-aggressive while resolving the conflict. For those of you who don’t know what passive-aggressive means, it’s passively being aggressive rather than being obviously aggressive. For example, obvious aggression is screaming. Passive aggression is not talking to someone until they have figured out why you are upset. Be assertive not aggressive. Get in there and make your case clearly, non-defensively, and without rushing to dismiss the other’s concerns and emotions. 


Nobody likes someone who can never say “I’m sorry.” Nobody does. Some ways to deal with unapologetic behavior are as follows:

(1) Don’t be sorry only when your mistake leads to consequences. Be sorry for thinking of the mistake in the first place. 

(2) Don’t demand quick resolution of apologetic circumstances. 

(3) Give the other person some time if your apology is rejected.

(4) Don’t be shy about repeating your sorries if the other person is having a really hard time with what you did.   

That’s it. We wish the best in your being lovable journey!